sunday sermon – kirk cameron and the bible know the meaning of sin…

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Okay. We all know that homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuals are sinners. It’s wrong. Just wrong. Because the Bible and Kirk Cameron say so.

Oh, wow! You guys don’t know this, because I heroically kept typing. But, I tried so hard to type that with a straight face. I just couldn’t do it. I started chuckling at the ‘homosexuality is a sin’ part and was laughing out loud by the ‘Bible and Kirk Cameron’ part.

Here’s my issue with the Bible saying, Kirk Cameron saying or, for that matter, anyone that wasn’t on a 1980’s sit-com saying that homosexuality is wrong…I’m going to use the Ten Commandments for my talking points. Well, a few of them anyway. Have any of you ever actually seen a Bible? It’s ridiculously long! Damn! Ain’t nobody got time for that! And besides, there seem to be a whole lot of really well-informed Christians out there who seem to be able to quote any Bible passage at the drop of a hat. Wait. Let me re-state that. They seem to be able to quote any Bible passage in such a way that it seems to support their point at the drop of a hat.

So, anyway. The Ten Commandments don’t mention homosexuality. However, they DO mention not taking the Lord’s name in vain. Done on the daily. Keeping the Sabbath Day holy; example, not working on Sundays. Done on the daily, er, I mean Sundays. Not committing adultery. Done on the daily. Like, a lot.

Those things are wrong because the Bible and Kirk Cameron say so.

Sooooo…..When anyone says, “Goddamn it!” When anyone works on a Sunday. When anyone has an affair. Where’s all the uproar? Where’s all the self-righteous indignation? Where’s all the self-entitled judgment of others? Isn’t a sin a sin? Or do all of those well-informed, not ignorant or hateful at all, individuals get to rank the sins; with homosexuality being number one?

Look. Here’s the thing. Homosexuality is NOT wrong. However, if all of the self-righteous, well-meaning people out there are intent on continuing to stomp their feet, shut their eyes, put their fingers in their ears and yell, “lalalalalalala” and, in general, throw a major hissy fit…I can only hope that they don’t forget to scream about each one of the sinful, horrible, ungodly things that they ALL do on the daily. You know, at least give ALL of the “sins” equal air-time.

In closing, I’ll leave you with three things. Two from the Bible and one definitely not.

1. Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You.
2. Let He Who Is Without Sin, Be The First To Cast A Stone.
And…3. A really charming clip about Kirk Cameron ministering to those horrible, sinful gay people.

kirk cameron is going to save the world…

throw back thursday? NO!!!

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throwback-thursdayToday is Friday and I’m sure a lot of you think I should’ve posted this yesterday. Because, you know, yesterday was Thursday. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t force myself to post something that made sense; irony-wise.

Have any of you noticed or, worse yet, actually participated in an occurrence that has been happening, oddly enough, every Thursday on Facebook? It’s called, Throw Back Thursday. Or, as I like to call it, Throw Up Thursday. The idea seems to be that you’re supposed to post some random old photo and acknowledge the fact that it’s Throw Back Thursday. Or, TBT as the cool people call it. OR, if you’re REALLY cool, you’ll do the hashtag thing (#TBT) so other really cool people can see it on Twitter.

Then, once you’ve posted the random old photo and maybe even said something hilarious about it, we’ll all agree, of course, concerning it’s hilarity, definitely “Like” it, and possibly comment something hilarious about it. Now keep in mind, the photo choices for Throw Back Thursday can apply to the sentimental photo, too. As far as I can tell, the only rule is that it has to be from back in the day.

Oh my gosh! This is fun! Throw Back Thursday is awesome! No. It isn’t. It’s irritating. And dangerous. Stop doing it. Right now.

Look, don’t get me wrong. I’ve got boxes of old photos with no names or dates on them. That I’m pretty sure I kind of remember who the people are and when they were taken. That aren’t organized neatly in cute, fun, creative ways in scrapbooks. That I was going to accomplish with my Cricut. That I though about buying, but never did. That, trust me, would keep all of you on Facebook fascinated and entertained for years. Well, every Thursday for years, that is.

But do I post them? Do I participate in Throw Back Thursday? No. And, no. And obviously you want to know why. Okay, maybe you don’t, but for the sake of this post and it’s dramatic imagery, I’m going to act like you do.

First, I don’t know when our society developed this fanatical obsession with a specific day and the extreme necessity that said day must represent and impart some sort of nostalgic feelings or memories in those that participate in it. It’s almost as if it’s meant to instill and illicit a type of, I hate to even say it, pleasure or happiness. I have studied society for years and I don’t know about you, but I feel confident that that’s a slippery slope no one wants to start sliding down.

Secondly, and really most importantly, Facebook was not created to cater to the pathetic needs of the masses. This whole fun/pleasure/happiness thing that you all buy into so cavalierly? It’s an illusion. The real intended purpose of Facebook is for individuals to post/share unconfirmed, usually false, links and stories that support their almost always uninformed viewpoints. Or, posts about being stuck in traffic, their stressful day, where they’re having dinner, pics of their dinner, pics of their kids or pics of their pets.

Now, while I’ve never posted any of the previously mentioned, due to the fact that I’m always studying society, I have to admit that Facebook truly does have it’s finger on the pulse of the important, meaningful things in life.

So, and I apologize for digressing a bit, Throw Back Thursday must end. Now! If it doesn’t, what’s next? Fart Day Friday?!

what happens when we die? a cautionary tale.

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Custom%20SI-102Okay. For some reason, the question of what happens when we die seems to be a difficult one to answer.

Apparently, it’s a question that has been around for a long time. Like, as long as people and whatnot have been around. I looked on the internet and found out we’re talking quite a few years. At least. The internet also said that a whole bunch of really smart people have tried to answer it. However, they’re all dead now, so we can’t even ask them if their answers were right. Damn.

Well, I’m here to say, I just don’t know what all the confusion is about. To me, it’s a simple question with a simple answer. So, are you ready? Are you sitting down? Because I’m about to drop some knowledge on you.

What happens when we die is…Your family, and maybe your friends, will come into your house and go through your shit! That’s right! They will! And, if you were unlucky enough to die a suspicious death, STRANGERS will come into your house and go through your shit! That’s messed up! Granted, they’re probably licensed death professionals. You know, like you see on “Law & Order” and “CSI” and stuff. But still! It’s bad enough that your family’s going through your shit. But since you were dumb enough to die suspiciously, now you’ve got strangers going through your shit!

To fully illustrate this scenario, please take a moment and think about what’s in your house. EVERYTHING that’s in your house. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Now, before you go into full on panic mode, I’m going to step in and offer some advice.

1. Go through your DVD’s. If you have any with titles like “Deep Throat”, “Debbie Does Dallas” or Debbie doing anything or anyone, get rid of them. Now. (Side Note…If you have any of these, um, movies on video tape or, worse yet, laser disc, why didn’t you get rid of them a long time ago? I mean, really? C’mon!)

2. If you’ve acquired a massive collection of Hello Kitty memorabilia and you’re a, you know, full-grown man, get rid of it. Now. (ps…If it’s all cataloged, still in original packaging and in locked, display cases, stop reading right now and get rid of it. I’m serious. Go!)

3. Ladies, if you have some, let’s say, small appliances that are battery-operated, get rid of them. Now. (An addendum – I am not completely without compassion and I realize that they serve a, you know, purpose. So you can keep them. For now. But at the first sign of Ebola or right after that surprise cobra bite, on your way to the hospital, drop your appliances in the nearest dumpster. Because, let’s be real, you’re probably not coming back.)

4. If you go to church every Sunday, Bible study every Wednesday and have offered to organize the pot luck dinner for new church members, but have a staggering amount of Satanic literature and pentagrams in your home, get rid of it. Now. (A helpful hint…Don’t try to pass these things off as your ‘Dark Side of Religion’ presentation for your local Girl Scout Troop. Ain’t nobody got time for that excuse. Shoot.)

5. Guys, if you’re married, have kids, coach little league and participate in mixed-martial arts bouts, but have a locked cabinet at home full of women’s undergarments, please, I’m begging you, get rid of it. Now. (However, if, like Joey on “Friends”, you were experimenting and found them to be really comfortable, then you can…oh, Hell. Never mind. Just get rid of them. Remember, flannel is really comfy, too.)

And…Boom! Knowledge has been dropped.

So, even though none of the above applies to me, I can imagine how embarrassing it would be for you to die and have weird shit in your house. Believe me, my only goal is to help you. Honestly, I’m offering an important public service.

You’re welcome.

day 5…

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“We do not usually know how to distinguish between what is essential and what is secondary.  We spend our lives running about here and there after pleasures that are forever eluding us and leaving us unsatisfied.  We try to be happy come what may, without wondering whether we are causing anyone else to suffer in the process.  We are prepared to do anything to amass and defend our possessions, which are neither lasting nor true source of happiness.”

(His Holiness the Dalai Lama)

day 4…

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“We cannot be useful to ourselves unless we are also useful to others.  Whether we like it or not, we are all connected, and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself.  Anyone who is only concerned by his own well-being will suffer eventually.  Anyone who is only concerned with the well-being of others takes care of himself without even thinking about it.  Even if we decide to remain selfish, let us be intelligently selfish – let us help others!” 

(His Holiness the Dalai Lama)